Radiation Day Zero

I haven’t written anything for a long time. I think it’s just that words flow out very easily when your mind, body and soul are semi-screaming out for pain killers. The final leg of my cancer treatment was pretty much smooth-sailing for me. Radiation is really easy compared to chemotherapy. It’s just like going to the tanning salon everyday for a 30-minute treatment.

I started my radiation treatment within a month after my last chemotherapy. On my first visit to my radiation oncologist, the doctor simply gave me an orientation about the procedure.

Radiation treatment is a means of killing cancer cells that may have been left out after surgery and chemotherapy by exposing the affected area to radiation. The technology for radiation treatment nowadays is truly amazing. What they do now is they create a computer simulation of your body and program the radiation equipment to beam rays to your body at high-precision. They do this to make sure that nearby organs are not unnecessarily exposed to radiation.

The doctor said that the only side effect is a sunburn on the areas that are exposed to radiation. He instructed me to apply lotion to my chest 3 times a day and to avoid exposing the area to sunlight. Also, he told me to not take anti-oxidants because it will simply negate what radiation treatment is trying to do, which is kill those cancer cells.

The next day, I came back to the hospital for my simulation. What they do on simulation day was to setup everything that is needed for all 33 of my radiation sessions.

First, they created a “block” for me. The “block” was actually like a cast of my back as I lie on the radiation table. Every radiation session, I lie on this “block” that is placed on top of the radiation table. The block keeps my body from moving and ensures that I lie in exactly the same position every treatment.

Next, they get a CT scan of my torso. They create a computer model of my torso from the CT scan and also identify the tissues that will have to be targetted by the treatment.

CT Scan Machine

Finally, before they let me go, they put tattoos on my chest. No, these are not tattoos of eagles or roses, just little spots to guide them to where the target areas are. Yes, these tattoos are permanent not like those henna tattoos that eventually fade. And no, I’m not going to let you draw pentel pen marks just to see if you can draw a Big Dipper if you connect all the dots on my chest.

No Ironman Triathlon for me

I’ve already accepted that I won’t be able to join the Ironman Triathlon this August. There are 2 major roadblocks that prevent me from doing so.

The first one is my radiotherapy. Since the doctors will be blasting all sorts of rays on my chest day after day after day, within 3 weeks my skin on that area will be ’sunburned’. It will turn darker, feel itchy and very sensitive, so I’m not allowed to expose myself to the sun. So I won’t be able to swim or run under the same weather conditions as the triathlon itself.

The second roadblock are the side effects from chemotherapy. I’m already feeling the accumulated effects of the drugs.

My toes and my fingertips are now numb. It doesn’t really bother me that much, I still can function pretty well with the lack of sensation in my extremities. The problem is when I try to run. After only a minute of running, the numbness in my toes spread to my entire feet.

My muscles hurt too. Every morning when I wake up, my feet, legs and thighs hurt. It’s the same feeling I get the morning after I put my legs under intense weight training. The pain dies down to around 10% as the day goes by, but it never goes away completely. The muscle strain has completely discouraged me from jogging. Now I only brisk walk with my dog. If I do try to jog, after only 5 minutes my legs and thighs become really painful and my joints become rigid thus preventing me from jogging any further.

I asked my oncologist how long it will take before all the chemo side effects go away, he said that it will probably take around 6 months. So there, I guess I’ll be exercise-disabled until November. Hopefully by then my muscle memory is still strong enough so that my body can go back to the same condition that it had before all these treatments started. There’s always another triathlon to join. Hopefully Ironman will visit the Philippines again soon.

Contemplating Joining Ironman 70.3

One thing I learned from my illness is it is a very curable illness, however hundreds of women still die from it, especially here in our country. The reason is treatments are expensive, and not many can afford it. If you add up all the costs for surgery, tests, chemotherapy, radiation and the medicines it will be at least P700,000. If you’re unlucky enough to need to take Herceptin, the cost will go way beyond the P1,000,000 mark.

I personally want to help other women who are suffering from breast cancer like me, but I don’t have the money. So, I’ve been toying with an idea in my head for sometime now…

I’m a health buff, and before I went through all these treatments I was in tip-top shape. I could benchpress a grown woman and I could run miles without getting tired. Now, it’s a different story, I couldn’t even run a kilometer without my chest tightening on me. But I believe that once I recover from the side effects of chemotherapy and go through the right training regimen, I could go back to the level of fitness that I had before. I will use my fitness to help women with breast cancer who can’t afford the treatments.

I read on the newspaper today that there will be an Ironman 70.3 triathlon here in the Philippines in August 23. It will be a 1.9 km swim, 90 km bike and 21.1 km run triathlon. I have expressed on a previous post that I’d like to join an Ironman triathlon someday. Now it’s here in the Philippines. Now’s my chance to fulfill this dream and it’s a great way to help fellow breast cancer patients too. I’ll turn my bid to finish Ironman into a fundraiser. I’ll ask people to donate money to cover the $200 fee for the triathlon, plus my expenses for training, then the rest I will use to help fellow breast cancer patients to pay for their treatments.

So there, that’s my idea. However there’s a lot of things going against me.

First, I just got off chemotherapy. I don’t know how long it will take for the side effects to wear off. Also, I don’t know if I’m allowed to exercise while I’m undergoing radiotherapy.

Second, I don’t know how to swim, I just know how to tread. Also I’m a bit afraid of deep water, but I guess that fear is there simply because I don’t know how to swim.

Third, I know how to bike however I have no training at all on how to work the gears.

Fourth, I only have 3 months to prepare myself for this.

I guess my first step is consult my doctor if I can train within the next couple of months, then when he gives me the go signal, I’ll work from there.

Tour of the Fireflies

Against my doctor’s orders to avoid strenuous exercises, I joined the Tour of the Fire Flies last April 19 together with my husband. I’ve always wanted to join it but was always busy. It’s a 42km leisurely bike up and down the half-stretch of EDSA. It was going to be a 4 hour ride and I haven’t exercised in months, plus I feel like the chemotherapy screwed up my blood circulation so I was expecting to finish just half of the tour.

At 7:30am after a short program, we left the Tiendesitas area. We passed Ortigas on our way to EDSA. At this point, I could feel that my bike wanted to give up already, it’s already old and kinda rickety. I had chain trouble even before we got to EDSA.

Me on the first few kilometers of the tour

Along EDSA we went north to the Trinoma area. We went around North Avenue, Quezon Avenue and went down south along EDSA. After around 3 chain troubles we arrived in Ortigas. My husband and I previously agreed this to be our halfway point where we would decide to end the tour if in case my body couldn’t take it anymore. But amazingly, I felt great. I didn’t feel tired yet even after biking for almost 2 hours already. So we decided to continue.

Along EDSA we went south… then the cable to my rear gears snapped. Great, I guess that’s one less lever to fiddle around…

From EDSA we turned right to Buendia Avenue then stopped for a water break and a short program on Ayala Avenue. After our short stop on Ayala Avenue, that’s when trouble started… not for me but for my husband. I think he might not have stretched that much before we started biking, so when we passed by the Glorietta area he had cramps on one of his thighs. After a few moments of resting and stretching, he decided that he can continue biking so we did.

From Ayala Avenue we turned left to EDSA. We were probably trailing around a kilometer behind the group but we persisted. After a kilometer or two of riding, my husband was hit by another wave of cramps. This time both thighs and both legs were hit. We realized we won’t be able to finish the tour anymore and decided to ditch it. We rode a dump truck that pick up fallen fireflies and their bikes all the way back to Tiendesitas.

We covered only around 30 out of the 42 km ride. I’m a bit disappointed that my husband and I didn’t finish the tour but I was still happy that I personally was able to cover that much distance without any trouble. I expected to encounter tightness around the chest and shortness of breath but I didn’t. The only things I felt at the end of the tour was tiredness around my legs and thighs and hunger.

Next time, I’m going to make sure my husband stretches enough so we can finish the tour.

Last Chemo… EVER!

Last April 27 was my very last chemo session. Aaaahh, FINALLY it’s over. I heard that chemo is most difficult leg in this entire process, so I’m just relieved that it’s finally over.

On the day of my last chemo, I was really really anxious. It didn’t help my nerves knowing that it’s already the last one. I guess 5 times of going through the painful process of getting fed with those drugs and feeling the nasty side effects of the drugs really did carve fear in my brain.

In my first 5 sessions, the nurses were able to insert the IV needle into my veins in just one try. But this time around, it took them 3 tries. One at the back of my hand, one up in my arm then finally at the base of my thumb. They were really having great difficulty in hunting for a good vein. Many of my veins on my left hand have already been spent by the previous sessions, and the remaining ones are all crooked. They couldn’t insert the IV on my right side, because that’s where I got my surgery so they have no choice but to keep on looking on my left side.

This last session took only around 2.5 hours, that’s the fastest session I’ve ever had. So I guess I can say that this is the best and the last session.

This is the last time I'm ever going to see you, IV apparatus!

* * *

Everytime I go to the hospital for my session, I see familiar faces. Many of us have a 21-day cycle, so if I saw them on cycle 1, I’ll probably see them until cycle 6 unless of course if their sessions get delayed for some reason (like illnesses for example). On my last chemo, I met a new person in the oncology clinic. It’s her first chemo session. She is also a breast cancer patient, she also had surgery on her right breast like me, and she’s also 29 years old. It feels like I’m seeing myself on my first session. She looked excited like me on my first session. Now I look like a spent battery who shudders at the sight of needles. I hope everything goes well with her on her treatments, and I hope that the drug side effects will be kind to her.

Physically Weak

When I shake off from the drugs around a week after the chemotherapy, I would do my daily jogs around the block in the afternoon. For my first few sessions I did feel fine doing my exercise, but lately I’m having a hard time mustering a slow jog. I would see greys and stars, and feel my muscles burning after just a few minutes of jogging.

I consulted my oncologist about this, whether these are usual side effects to the chemotherapy drugs. He told me that I shouldn’t be doing any strenuous physical activity, that the most that I can do is brisk walk. Later after all the treatments are done, I should take supplements to strengthen my bones (because the chemo drugs cause some kind of deterioration). I can also go back to my routine workouts.

Sigh. So, there goes my workout routine.

Having received these orders from my doctor, I feel this renewed passion within me to step up my workout regimen after these treatments are over. I suddenly find myself looking for marathon runs and cycling schedules within the city and nearby provinces. Now I have a new goal. I’d like to join and finish the Ironman Triathlon. Hmm, I’d better sign myself up for a swimming class when I get off these treatments so I can put my plans into motion.

I’m Sorry

For almost a decade of my life while I was growing up, I was an active member of an organization in our church. I used to sing with them for our church’s Saturday anticipated masses and I used to take care of kid members who sang for Sunday afternoon masses. It is in this organization where I met some lifelong friends.

As I grew older and got busier with my studies and school activities, I could no longer attend this organization’s choir practices and activities. In the end, I had to quit.

Recently a friend who is a pioneering member of this organization sent me an email. He’s read my posts on this blog and he’s invited me to write in the organization’s magazine (it has a reader base of around 3,000, mostly regular mass-goers in our church). He wants me to write an inspirational article about my journey through this very difficult time in my life and how my experiences have changed my attitude towards life and my faith.

Hi friend, if you’re reading this entry right now, I’d like to say I’m sorry because I don’t think I can write the article right now. When I started this rollercoaster journey just a few months ago, I was very angry at God for giving me this illness. The timing for this illness is not good either. Imagine getting this illness at the prime of your life? Getting the dreaded news just 3 weeks before your wedding? He could have given it to me later, a lot later. I think it would be hypocritical of me if I were to say that I’m not angry anymore because I still am. My anger has subsided a bit, but it’s still there.

While I may still be angry at God for this illness, my faith in Him has never gone away. I believe in miracles. Not big miracles, just small ones. I believe God works through small miracles, and I believe that through these small miracles — pointing me to the right surgeons, leading me to the right oncologist and bringing family and friends closer to me during these trying times — that I will eventually emerge victorious over this illness.

Friend, I will write that article that you’re asking for, but not now. The pain is still too great.

Quack Diet

Ever since I was diagnosed with this illness, I have been reading a lot about tips on healthy living. You know, healthy activities like exercise and tips on what to and what not to eat. I read stuff off the internet most of the time, sometimes from magazines. One of the sources that I think have an abundant helpful information is the Readers’ Digest. It’s one of those materials that I read through almost from cover to cover.

After having read a lot of things from different sources, I have developed the knack of identifying which information is valid and which ones are just quack. One of those quack information is the concept of alkalizing and acidifying foods. I would put that in the same category as the Atkins diet which Dr. Atkins claims to have no dangerous side effects when in reality it makes your liver work overtime because you keep on feeding it huge quantities of red meat and fats.

So, what is this alkalizing and acidifying food concept? Basically it says that a healthy body has a slightly alkaline PH and that you should eat foods that maintain that healthy PH. It says that at a less alkaline state, our bodies are more prone to diseases, including cancer.

The PH is a measure of a substance’s acidity or alkalinity. The PH scale goes from 0 to 14. Neutral PH is 7, an example of a substance that has a neutral PH is water. Anything below 7 is acidic and anything above it is alkaline.

The concept goes on to say that food is categorized into 2 groups, namely: alkalizing and acidifying. Alkalizing foods help your body achieve a more alkaline PH, acidifying foods pulls your body’s PH the other way. Simple? Not really. It’s not as easy as getting a food or drink, say milk, dipping a PH paper into it then if the paper turns blue (that basically tells you that the substance is alkaline), then tadaa it’s alkalizing! Nope not exactly, because you see, even though milk is alkaline, it’s actually categorized under the acidifying group. Another example of an acidic drink that is actually alkalizing is pineapple juice. The reason, they say, is because once the body finished digesting the food, the food has an “alkalizing/acidifying” effect whatever the case may be. Now I’m scratching my head.

Let me show you an example of how they categorized certain foods:

Alkalizing	Acidifying
Broccoli, Carrot, Eggplant, Tomatoes, Apple, Coconut, Pineapple	Milk, Pork, Beef, Oyster, Clams, Shrimp, Fish, Rice, Noodles, Fats and Oils

I really don’t understand how they managed to categorize foods that way. Did they do experiments? Did they pick a homeless guy off the street, feed him pineapple juice for one week, PH test his pee, feed him milk the next week, then PH test his pee again? Or maybe they didn’t test his pee. Maybe they tested his poo, or maybe his sweat. Ah, maybe the blood, because the blood is slightly alkaline, in the range of 7.3 to 7.4.

I think a more accurate way to categorize these foods is this way:

Bland	Yummy
Broccoli, Carrot, Eggplant, Tomatoes, Apple, Coconut, Pineapple	Milk, Pork, Beef, Oyster, Clams, Shrimp, Fish, Rice, Noodles, Fats and Oils

There, that’s more accurate… well at least from my point of view. I used to eat that way before I was diagnosed. I loved to eat meat and lots and lots of ice cream.

Kidding aside, I think they should have instead categorized foods like this:

Healthy	Unhealthy in large amounts
Broccoli, Carrot, Eggplant, Tomatoes, Apple, Coconut, Pineapple	Milk, Pork, Beef, Oyster, Clams, Shrimp, Fish, Rice, Noodles, Fats and Oils

That, I think is truly an accurate way to categorize these foods, because in reality, the foods at the right also contain vitamins and minerals that our body needs. Milk is rich in calcium to keep our bones strong. Animal meat contains protein and iron. We need those foods too, just not in large quantities because of the fats and some toxins that some of them may contain. And that my friend is no quack.

4th Chemo

I went to my 4th chemo with my mom and my husband last Monday. We left the house at 11am to eat out for lunch before we go to the hospital. During my entire car ride, I was mentally prepping myself for the procedure. The entire chemo process takes around 3 hours — 3 torturous hours of complete discomfort, so I really have to tell myself over and over and over again that it’s going to be all right.

At around 11:30am, we arrived at our lunch destination. It’s a Japanese restaurant just around a kilometer from the hospital. I stepped out of the car still in the middle of mental prepping. I closed the door when suddenly extreme pain shot through my left pointy finger! My left pointy was left lodged at the edge of the car door. Without thinking, I desperately tried pulling out my finger. After moments of repeatedly tugging my finger off the door, I managed to pull my finger free.

God knows how painful that was. It was so painful I couldn’t help crying. I was crying because of the pain, stupidity, and the horror of going through the uncomfortable chemo with an injured finger.

Sigh. All the mental prepping for the chemo was gone. I went to my chemo completely shaken and miserable.

Today is Sunday, 6 days since my chemo. My injured fingernail has completely changed its color. From the color red last Monday, it’s now a mottled mix of blue and black. The finger still hurts and I’m typing only with my 9 fingers.

Sigh.

Chemotherapy Skin-care Tips

Chemotherapy does a lot of crazy things to your body. I’ve mentioned all of the obvious ones in most of my previous entries. One that I haven’t mentioned yet is the effects of chemotherapy on the skin.

First off, the body stops generating mucus. I’ve realized how many places in the body generates mucus now that all the mucus are gone. There are um… parts that are better off um… not dry. If you’ve gone through chemotherapy, you’d probably know what I’m talking about.

Secondly, chemotherapy leaves your skin really dry all over. During my first chemo I was wondering why the skin on my legs are flaking off. I researched on the net and found out that some people do get dry skin from chemo.

My skin is all moisturized now ever since I’ve switched soaps and added some skin regimen after my daily shower. Here are the list of products that worked on me:

Dove Soap

Ever since I’ve switched to this soap, my skin stopped flaking off and my skin is less dry. Hopefully they don’t switch formulations like some brands do.

Neutrogena Body Oil

I use this product all over my arms and legs where my skin are most dry after every shower. It’s not as greasy as ordinary baby oil and it keeps my skin moisturized all day long.

Nivea Body Milk

I apply Nivea Body Milk on top of the body oil. It keeps the moisture locked into my skin.